TRUMP FINALLY GETS HIS WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS’ DINNER SPEECH: “Is this supposed to be fun? Am I supposed to be serious? Am I supposed to be a comedian?”

And here’s the joke I thought was the best: “Under my administration, a once-feared and powerful regime that relentlessly attacked America has finally been toppled. Their former leaders have been removed and they’re now being run by a gay dictator facing internal divisions. But I for one wish Bari Weiss all the best at CBS News. She’s a wonderful woman.”

Heh, indeed.

Meanwhile, at America’s Newspaper of Record:

AWKWARD:

BRIAN WANG: SpaceX Starship Flight 13 Had a Miracle. “SpaceX Starship flight 13 had a miracle happen. The landing of Starship was so soft that the fires did not cause an explosion. Starship stayed intact. It did not explode. Every prior Starship was destroyed and exploded when they went into the ocean. The wealth of information from an intact 18000 tile heat shield and the pattern and amount of damage is going to help SpaceX learn a lot. This massively increases the likelihood that flight 14 will be completely successful for catching both the booster AND the Starship. Certainly flight 15 or 16 will be completely successful and we will enter an age of fully and rapidly reusable Starship by the end 2026.”

LET’S HOPE: SOPHIE CUNNINGHAM IS THE ANGEL OF DEATH FOR CANCEL CULTURE. The subtext was clear to her aspirant cancelers: I hear you, I see you, and I don’t care. This is 2026, not 2016.

Related:

ICYMI: NOTHING TO SEE HERE, MOVE ALONG:

ENSHITTIFICATION IS REAL:

WHEN I WROTE FOR USA TODAY THEY PRIDED THEMSELVES ON FAIRNESS AND FACT-CHECKING. Of course they gave up on both, which is why I left.

OPEN THREAD: Ring in the weekend.

“THE POLICE WANT IT, THEREFORE WE SAY NO.”

SETH MANDEL: AOC’s Latest Dual-Loyalty Hoax Is a Doozy.

“This amendment is an existential threat to American sovereignty and democracy,” declared Ocasio-Cortez.

How did we get here? The lie seemed to get off the ground in late May thanks to folks at the Quincy Institute, the isolationist activist forum, though it didn’t at first use the term “merge” but rather “integrate.” That word is important, because it also appeared in one of the sentences in the defense bill. Of course, the bill doesn’t say the militaries will be integrated, but conspiracy theorists decided it was one of the few straws they had in reach, so they’re grasping it.

A second conspiracy theory around the bill, pushed by the folks at Dropsite, the podcasters who were last seen trying to bully Ro Khanna into approving of October 7, is that a letter sent by Benjamin Netanyahu claims the bill was his idea.

In fact, Netanyahu sent a letter to a congressman who had written up a resolution that just said the two countries would move toward cooperation instead of the old aid model and called for a new Memorandum of Understanding. Netanyahu has been pushing this change for years, and he wrote that he was happy the two allies would now move in that direction.

So when you combine the two lies, you have: Israel is dictating U.S. laws, and the council of the Elders of Zion—Sorry, the Jewish state—now runs our military. Oh, and everyone who supported the U.S. defense bill is a traitor.

Tucker goes full Judgement at Nuremberg about that last idea:

Why would Tucker be in favor of the Nuremberg Trials Mark II, when he thinks the Germans were the good guys in WWII, and the millions of people they murdered were a tragic accident instead of a deliberately planned slaughter? As Steve asked in September of 2024: Seriously, What the Hell Is Wrong With Tucker Carlson?

Carlson’s interview on Tuesday with alleged historian Darryl Cooper — like his interview in April with Reverend Munther Isaac, referenced in today’s flashbacks — was so much worse than merely glib or incurious.

Carlson chose to interview Cooper, whom he endorsed as “the best and most honest popular historian in the United States” to learn exactly how World War II didn’t happen. According to Cooper — and Carlson nodded along the entire time — Winston Churchill was perhaps “the chief villain of the Second World War” and “primarily responsible for that war becoming what it did.”

It’s true that Hitler did not want or expect Britain to fight. He wanted Britain to acquiesce to German dominance of Europe from the Urals to Gibraltar and subsume the UK to Nazi interests. This is all a matter of historical record. Britain could fight or submit — that was Hitler’s choice, not Churchill’s.

FLASHBACK: Carlson chose to interview Isaac to find out how the Jewish State of Israel treats Christians. Isaac is a priest who neither lives nor works in Israel and who uses the loaded phrase “Occupied Palestine” as his location on his Twitter/X profile. He is a Palestinian Christian from Palestinian-controlled Bethlehem, where Christian ministers serve at the mercy of the Palestinian Authority.

As for the Holocaust — brace yourself — Hitler was just being merciful, according to Cooper. “We can’t feed these people, we don’t have the food to feed these people,” Cooper imagined the Germans thinking after fighting on the Eastern Front accidentally created more prisoners and refugees than Germany could cope with. “And one of them actually says, ‘Rather than wait for them all to slowly starve this winter, wouldn’t it be more humane to just finish them off quickly now?’”

Vance really needs to have his Sister Souljah moment with Tucker, sooner, rather than later:

Flashback: The Last Temptation of JD Vance.

LIFE NOT UNENDING: Ultimate Limit of The Human Lifespan May Be Identified, Study Suggests. “new study suggests immortal life may be scientifically impossible, even if we somehow found the perfect anti-aging medicine. If scientists managed to overcome every other aspect of aging, humans still couldn’t live forever, the new research shows. Random DNA mutations would continue accumulating in our cells until the body could no longer function. Simulations conducted by a team at the Skolkovo Institute of Science and Technology in Russia suggest this process could impose a fundamental limit on human lifespan, with most people living no longer than about 150 to 190 years under this optimistic scenario.”

TODAY’S STARSHIP LAUNCH WORKED: